did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
