moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
