remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I stole a fireplace last night.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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