Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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