i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
