the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
