My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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