My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
