90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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