Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
