it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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