i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
