While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
