Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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