I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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