Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Randomize
