so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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