Need sex. Gaining weight.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
