I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
