you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
