gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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