i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
