Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
