Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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