My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
