You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
