I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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