if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
