Please, let me fuck your mom
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
