So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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