I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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