is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
