So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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