It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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