I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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