Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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