Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I have tasted many bathrooms
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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