Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
