We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
