After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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