and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
