A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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