I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
