Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
