I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
