everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
