Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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