You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
