I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
