I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
